The Power Went Out. Then Everything Changed.
It was a planned winter power outage in Santa Barbara. My twins were just 2 months old, my toddler was 2, and I was about to learn one of the most important lessons of my parenting journey.
I had received a notification some days before about a scheduled outage for system maintenance. Honestly, I was pretty irritated because they were doing these updates during the “winter” and I had 2 newborns. I thought we were prepared: extra blankets pulled out, flashlights checked, phone charged. But I hadn’t accounted for one critical factor: our California home had virtually no insulation.
As the power shut off and daylight faded, the temperature began to drop. And drop. And drop. Within hours, our house had reached 45 degrees during the night, and I found myself with two newborns and a toddler in a home that was rapidly becoming too cold for comfort. We made it. My kids all slept through the night, not bothered a bit by the cold. I was anxious about the kids’ safety all night and worried that they were too cold.
What happened taught me everything about the difference between reaction and response.
From Power Outages to Life’s Daily Disruptions
This principle of ritual over reaction extends far beyond power outages. As a mom to three young children, disruption is practically our family motto. Spilled milk, canceled playdates, unexpected fevers, traffic jams with crying babies—the opportunities to practice response over reaction are endless.
In the years since that frigid Santa Barbara night, I’ve created gentle rituals for many of life’s unexpected moments:
- A “Spill Reset” for those inevitable messes (breathe, name it “just a spill,” clean together, restore order)
- A “Schedule Shift” ritual for when plans change unexpectedly (acknowledge disappointment, identify one positive aspect, create an alternative)
- A “Travel Delay” sequence for those moments stuck in traffic or waiting rooms with small children
Each ritual follows the same core pattern:
- Breath first
- Affirming phrase
- Priority check
- Connection
- Positive reframe
The beauty of these rituals is that they work for both the mundane disruptions and the more significant ones. Whether it’s a tantrum in the grocery store or a flooded bathroom, the ritual creates a pause between stimulus and response… a space where I can choose calm instead of chaos.
The Anatomy of a Response Ritual
In the months following that frigid night, I set out to create what I now call a “response ritual”—a pre-planned sequence that helps interrupt the panic cycle and create calm, intentional action during disruptions.
Our family’s Power Outage Ritual has evolved as my children have grown, but its core elements remain:
- The Breath: When a disruption occurs, I consciously take three deep breaths before taking any action. This simple step activates my parasympathetic nervous system and helps me respond from a place of calm.
- The Phrase: I say aloud, “We know what to do.” This verbal affirmation reminds me that I’ve thought through this scenario (even if imperfectly) and have some direction to follow.
- The Priority Check: I mentally run through our true needs in order: safety, warmth, comfort. This quick mental triage helps me focus on what actually matters in the moment.
- The Connection: Rather than scattering to manage different tasks, we gather together first. Physical proximity provides reassurance, especially for young children.
- The Reframe: I intentionally rename the disruption as something neutral or positive. A power outage becomes a “flashlight adventure” or a “cozy night.” This linguistic shift changes how we all (especially the children) experience the event.
What makes this a ritual rather than just a procedure? The intention and meaning behind each step. It’s not just what we do; it’s how we do it—with presence, calm, and purpose. Each element is designed not just to solve practical problems but to regulate our nervous systems and create emotional safety.
Putting Ritual to the Test
What we learned during that freezing night became the foundation for how our family now handles disruption. Since then, we’ve faced more power outages, emergency room visits, travel delays, and the countless small upheavals that come with raising young children.
The difference in our experience has been profound.
During a recent unexpected power outage, this time with a 4-year-old and 2-year-old twins. I watched how differently things unfolded. Instead of panic, I felt the calm clarity of ritual guide me (we also now live in a well insulated home in the midwest.) We gathered in our family room, distributed our special lights, and turned what could have been scary into something almost magical.
My 4-year-old now excitedly announces “adventure time!” when the lights flicker, and even my twins, following their big brother’s lead, show curiosity rather than fear (buy curiosity, I mean they were running around with their flashlights screaming with glee as they chased each other around and tore up the house…) What once would have spiraled into stress now unfolds with relative ease.
The most significant change, though, has been in me. That feeling of drowning in panic has been replaced by a quiet confidence. Not because disruptions are any less challenging with three young children (they’re not!) but because I’ve learned to respond rather than react.
Creating Your Own Response Rituals
If you’re raising little ones or simply want to transform how you navigate life’s interruptions, here’s how to create your own response rituals:
- Identify Your Trigger Points: What situations consistently trigger stress or anxiety? Is it sudden changes in plans? Technology failures? Sleep disruptions with your children? Weather events? Make a short list of your most common or challenging disruptions.
- Notice Your Typical Reaction: Without judgment, observe how you usually respond. Do you become irritable? Anxious? Shut down? Understanding your default response helps you create a meaningful alternative.
- Design a Simple Pattern Interrupt: Create a first action that breaks your automatic stress cycle. This could be three deep breaths, touching a specific object, or saying a particular phrase. The key is consistency—use the same interrupt every time.
- Create a 3-5 Step Sequence: Keep it simple enough to remember when you’re stressed. Include elements that address both practical needs and emotional regulation.
- Practice When Calm: Introduce and practice your ritual during peaceful times. If you have children, make it playful. “Let’s pretend the power went out! What’s our special power outage plan?”
- Refine Through Experience: Each time you use your ritual in a real situation, note what works and what doesn’t. Gentle refinement makes your ritual increasingly effective.
Remember that response rituals are especially powerful for children. When they see us respond to disruption with calm intention rather than panic, we’re teaching them essential emotional regulation skills that will serve them throughout life. the most effective rituals are simple enough to remember in moments of stress, but meaningful enough to actually shift your emotional state.
Your Ritual Starting Point
If you’re inspired to create your own response ritual, particularly for young children, start with something simple:
- Choose one common disruption in your family life (power outage, traffic jam, unexpected schedule change)
- Think about what feeling you want to create instead of stress or anxiety
- Design a simple 3-step response that even young children can participate in
- Practice it together before you actually need it
- Use consistent language each time to build familiarity
Remember that children take their emotional cues from us. When we respond with calm intention rather than anxious reaction, we’re teaching them lifelong emotional regulation skills.
I’d love to hear what rituals have helped your family transform reaction into response. Please share your experiences in the comments below!
With warmth and intention,
Carri
Ready Pretty Living
Want to start your own soft prepping journey? I’d love to help you create beautiful systems that bring peace, not panic. Explore the Slow Living Emergency Starter Kit or join the Ready Pretty Insiders and receive The Soft Prepping Philosophy: 5 Principles for Beautiful Preparedness Without Panic for free. Because readiness should be soft, calm, and quietly powerful.
